I used to believe in fairy tales, in the white knight who shows up and rescues the damsel. That little girl died, and I've laid her to rest. Knights don't exist. Its a pretty thought to think so. But, they do not. Men are simply men. No matter the cloths they wear. But, still it doesn't change the fact that I feel like the little girl who grew up to realize that the fairy tales she loved for so long was nothing but a lie. 

I've dreamed of him for so long that I craved him like he was an addiction. I trembled at his beckon and dropped at his feet so long as he gazed at me. Pathetic really. But, none the less thats how it happened and has happened for years.

But, all that started to change when I met someone. Most of you probably know about him but have never met him. He's made me remember what it was like to feel affection. Not the kind families give, but the romantic. He's made me stop lying to myself and admit that the man I would have dropped the world for, was and is not everything I need.

He is not my everything. 

He is not my everything.

He is not my everything.

Soon, I hope I believe it.

I just got back from Lake Murray. The only fun we've had all summer, considering all the never ending ammounts of badness and chaos. But, I didn't get any watermelon. Oh well, I'll have to find some that's farmer grown and not wal-mart.

I have a sun burn. I hate the sun. I also hate big trucks. Stupid truck drivers.

I finished the book last night. Wow. I was wrong. But, I knew she was going to take from the Arthurian myths, and she did. Hallows, anyone? 13 hallows of Britian. One of which was the stone of destiny.

She's just lucky I can't go back in time.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. ~~Marianne Williamson

How odd that we can be so afraid of success when we claim that failure holds are chains. But, I know them to be true, at least for me. It is one of my favorite quotes, and I hope that it helps you embrace your light. As I try and embrace mine.

I have always thought I had a strong sense of right and wrong. A strong sense of what was good and bad. But, I've come to the conclusion over time that nothing is as black or as white as you first think. I hope to do the good. But, How can I be sure? Perhaps what I do is really bad? But, I think I'm doing good. Is good only measured by the people who play audience to your play? Who measures weather or not what you do is good or bad? 

I  am not god. I am not goddess. I am Myself. I can only be who I am. I can only stand up for what convictions I must. It is who I am. 

Everything has a price. Sometimes, its even worth paying it.

~Love,

           Emallina

lol....I pray to whomever will listen that nothing else happens in the next couple of weeks. Excitement, be gone.

My apartment got flooded, and I had to move out. I think I lived there a whole 10 days. I finally have a new apartment, thank goodness. I'm thankful for my family who let me crash on their couch, but I'm glad to have my own space again.

One of my friends o.d.ed on pills and had to have a short mini vacation at the behavioral center. She's out. She's fine. IF she does it again, I'll kill her myself.

I'm beginning to wonder if I have an attraction of +5 for people who other people don't want to see. It seems that once again, I've attracted someone that everyone else wants to kill. Lovely. But, he's a good guy. What he did in the past wasnt' good, and I accept that pain is pain. I only hope that eventually the wounds start healing and I don't have to do anything else.